Still missing Lily
Written by Deb on March 18th, 2009
My beautiful Lily
I wrote this story about my Lily in my grief after her death.
The pain of the loss is a bit better now and I can say her name without tears but her ashes, leash, collar and photos have stayed right here next to me on my desk for the last 3 years. I have decided it is time to put them with the other precious dogs’ who have passed on yet my hands can’t seem to lift them to move them……
Lily's puppies
Lily left us two gifts behind — her daughters Sprout and Sprite (also known as “the Ink Spots”) and later sent me Buster, our rescue pug, to comfort me. Buster is nothing like Lily except in one important way — he knows exactly where to cuddle up with me at night and positions himself in almost the same spot as Lily did against my body. Had Lily not passed on maybe Buster would have not found a new home at least certainly with us. I can picture Lily nudging the person who e-mailed me Buster’s posting on Craig’s list a few months later and nudging the former “owner” to call me after he read my reply to his ad. I think Lily then visited Buster and said “this is what you need to do to help my mom”. Buster has some baggage but he has grown on me. I still miss my Lily though and always will. The special ones leave a very large hole that can never be totally filled. I would never have missed out on those 6 years with her no matter how much pain it caused me to lose her. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to move those ashes, maybe not…..
The missing them eases after a while but I do understand. I wish my dear Patches was still with me. He had a long and good life though, so I’m thankful for that. In the end, for him, it was a blessing to go.
The puppies are adorable.
Anita
Thanks, Anita. Sounds like Patches was also one of the “special ones” or a Heart Dog as we sometimes call them.
Deb it is so hard to loose those special ones. I know when I have to say good bye to Caleb I will never be the same. Hey, I still have Becca and Tobie’s leases and collars on my dresser. They won’t be going anywhere and look how long they have been gone. God bless you Deb!
Glad to hear I’m not the only one who keeps all that stuff. I just can’t part with it.
There is a lake around us that Becca and Tobie use to love to go to and I keep saying I’ll take their ashes and release them there. Haven’t done that yet either. They’re still in my room on the shelf of the book case.
I lost my beloved Fergus last October and I still miss him so much. His leash, collar and snip of his fur is still in my car from the last trip to the vet. The paw print card the vet made for me is still on the fridge. Last week we talked about burying his collar in the garden next to some type of memorial plant but since his favorite plant was garden peas, that isn’t practical!
As sad as I was, we were surprised by how devastated my service dog was. Two weeks after his death, her depression became critical and the vet said she needed a dog now! I cried the entire way to pick up Brutus the new puppy. I made my housemate name him and we both said he was the service dog’s puppy not ours. We just weren’t ready. Ebony ignored him until we brought him into the house but then she figured out he was hers and immediately cheered up and claimed him as her own.
We were still grieving hard but Brutus was not to be denied! His personality is totally different than Fergus, but that rascally ball of fur has definitely made his way into our hearts.
I can feel the grief you still have for Fergus and can so relate. It was hard for me to even look at the other pugs in the house, especially Lily’s two daughters, in the days immediately after her death.